Wednesday, October 24, 2018

You Are Correct, Your Métier Should Not Be My Responsibility

Last week I received an email. An angry, quite shouty email from a progenitor or if you prefer, a parent who was above all else a parent, at least that's what they "shouted" via all CAPS to our inbox. As I continued reading, it became very clear that while an angry filled with protective rage, progenitor, this person was a deeply fear filled parent.

Their offspring (16yrs old) had found our blog post on self harm. Upon, seeing this open tab on the child's computer they took to screaming and, as articulately outlined in their email, blaming us for said screaming. Apparently, this child is now grounded from everything and we received the angry email. As many of you know I've been working on two other posts, plus launching our podcast, Living DID Talks, and many additional projects, but this seemed more pertinent, as I found this particular email very inspiring...

So I draw your attention to the title of this post... Métier, for those who don't know, is a synonym of the word job. This individual who invaded our inbox ranted for a few hundred words about my use of pretentious words, so their email was filled with much of the same. Condescension, in my view, is often an emotional synonym of laziness.

As many of you are also aware, I don't think or experience things in the typical emotional way, many human animals do. Which was where the inspiration for this post comes in. Anger is the emotional protector of fear within the human experience. Which is often the case in this type of social interaction. I don't mean the email we received I am references the anger (fear) this parent projected onto their child. For those who are familiar with our post on self harm we spell out ways to fight these urges, we are not condoning them. Further, we had sat down and discussed this post with Matt Pappas and spelled out helpful ways to ebb this addition, yes for many self injury does indeed become addictive.

Unfortunately, in this instance fear won over the emotions of this progenitor and perhaps inevitably what they deemed to be strength and protection over their offspring fueled the anger of so many underlying problems. To put it simply, this child was likely seeking out a way to prevent these urges (perhaps addiction, though we hope not) and potentially even wanting to try and discuss it with their parent; alas I fear this will never occur, but at this point, that is solely within the hands of this child. I do hope they find the strength despite their parents explosive reaction, which many do end up regretting, (yes if you're reading this post even your parent, likely, regrets this) but the unfortunate truth here is sometimes these moments end up being the straw that broke the camels back.

In my most sincerest tone, I hope this child finds the strength to articulately express themselves in a healthy manner, but if not, yell for your health, scream for your life. Relatives, siblings, child and parent relationships are wrought with turmoil and can come out the other side healthy and full of strength. I myself do not have very much experience in the healthy child parent relationship, but that's our story, not yours. Prepare an articulate speech and stick to it, calm and collected or anxious and tear stained... make people listen. Fear is a powerful motivator and anger regularly veils fear in a parent protecting their child. Yell for your health, if that's what it takes to be heard.

As a teenager you've plenty of time for more mistakes, being a parent of a teen is one of the more feared of adult responsibilities; give their skewed little hearts a chance, nobody trained them for this and unfortunately they don't nor can they fully relate to what you are currently experiencing in this day and age... That being said, there isn't anything new under the sun, so perhaps stow your own anger and fears and give them a chance.

Don't Let your Child come home with a stained Face!
To be clear, if you are being harmed or are in an abusive environment again, scream for your life and call one of the endless programs available in your own area. A simple google search in today's world can save a life; there are people available to intervene and put a stop to abuses of all sorts. There is no shame in speaking out.

I've not much more to say other than this last bit to the parents out there who are reading our blog or listening to our podcast...

Teenagers are developing into the people they will become. It is not difficult to comprehend your fears and apprehension in this regard, however, even if you initiate conversations in anger you can always come back to the conversation at a later time. Don't let them down permanently. They already think you're a loser who can't possibly understand and you wouldn't care anyways... Don't prove them right and force them to go it alone creating larger more difficult messes for themselves later.

Take care everyone, until next time.

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